update flex attention to use `return_aux` instead of `return_lse` when torch verison >= 2.9 (#44684)
* update flex attention to use `return_aux` instead of `return_lse` when torch verison >= 2.9
* cleaning things up a bit
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Co-authored-by: Neil Tenenholtz <neil.tenenholtz@microsoft.com>
Co-authored-by: Cyril Vallez <cyril.vallez@huggingface.co>