[Reland][DDP] Support not all outputs used in loss calculation
Reland of https://github.com/pytorch/pytorch/pull/57081.
Main difference is that the former diff moved `prepare_for_backward` check into `DDPSink` backward, but that resulted in issues due to potential autograd engine races. The original diff moved `prepare_for_backward` into `DDPSink` as part of a long-term plan to always call it within `DDPSink`.
In particular this doesn't work because `prepare_for_backward` sets `expect_autograd_hooks=true` which enables autograd hooks to fire, but there were several use cases internally where autograd hooks were called before DDPSink called `prepare_for_backward`, resulting in errors/regression.
We instead keep the call to `prepare_for_backward` in the forward pass, but still run outputs through `DDPSink` when find_unused_parameters=True. As a result, outputs that are not used when computing loss have `None` gradients and we don't touch them if they are globally `None`. Note that the hooks still fire with a undefined gradient which is how we avoid the Reducer erroring out with the message that some hooks did not fire.
Added the unittests that were part of the reverted diff.
Differential Revision: [D29726179](https://our.internmc.facebook.com/intern/diff/D29726179/)
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